I’ve practically decided on declining V’s offer to give me the unused testosterone from her fertility treatment. The reason being: I suspect my levels are already quite high naturally. Why do I suspect this? I eat and grow like a teenager and I’m thinking sex sex sex all day long.

When I go to yoga I put my drishti on my beautiful classmates. “Open the chest” the teacher might instruct, and I puff up like a peacock. “Reach back with your left hand” and I imagine my arm growing to grope the woman behind me. I hear the catalogue of words I have for the women I see and like in everyday life “está linda” (she’s cute) is the lowest form of praise while “ay Dios está riquísima” (oh lord she’s gorgeous) is the highest. When walking on the streets, my eyes are darting around looking for an attractive woman to rest my eyesight upon.

Unusual behavior: yesterday I splurged 550 EUR on a suit for my boss’ wedding (I’ll write about that later). Today I woke up at 4:30 AM and I begun unpacking the move I made over the weekend, I was done at 6:30 and booked a yoga class at a sports studio.

The class was medium intensity and the teacher was good. When I came out of the class, the guy at the front desk said there was a handstand pushup functional class was starting soon, and I could try it for free. so I said yes. This class was disappointing in content (circuits of reps, no flow) but I noticed myself pushing like crazy: where they asked for situps, I did V to _ shape and to the rhythm of music push push harder harder I seemed to never tire.

I’m already thinking about going to yoga in the evening too.

Supporting my theory of increased testosterone is the faculty of eating every day and almost every meal to fullness (not satisfaction, fullness). The consumed calories are clean, but tally up probably to high amounts (about 3.5K/day). I just came back from lunch. I had 200g of octopus with 250g of potatoes (pulpo a la gallega), half a chicken, and a fruit bowl of salad with three boiled eggs, half an avocado, 1 apple, nuts, dressing and greeen. 2,400 cals according to Claude. Given my breakfast I’m likely to hit 4k today.

I also notice my mood is more aggressive. The other day I arrived to class late and I had to take a spot in the back. A guy was just in front of me, obstructing the view of a beautiful classmate in front of him. He was already there when I arrived and I was resenting him for blocking my view, I amused myself at the thoughts and the feelings it makes no fucking sense, I’m acting like a child I thought to myself and yet I still hate his guts. I’m more easily exasperated but it’s not very noticeable as I don’t usually express it.

My body is also growing and when I see it in the mirror I think: if I were on gear I would think it was the gear, but I know myself to be natural and that gives me peace of mind. I’m already experimenting what I set out to experience when I enthusiastically agreed to taking V’s T, and it’s not too pleasant or too interesting.

But I don’t know if I have increased T as a fact. This is a hypothesis given observation of my behavior, emotions and thoughts. Weeks ago, when I met my new doctor, he prescribed my yearly bloodwork, but I missed the appointment. I’ll visit him again and ask to include T in it. There’s nothing to do about it, what is interesting to me is bridging subjective experience to objective fact.