I write this in the midst of deep existential pain, which cause I know, but it is irrelevant to this writing. Going into the reasons of the pain is as useful as analyzing the reasons for a car wreck, the past is left behind but it leaves an imprint on presence which can grow uncomfortable at times.

I simply want to write about how I feel. At the center of everything is an exhaustion. I was watching a video on YouTube with a character unknown to me: Gastón Soublette. He speaks that this civilization is in the process of collapse: the complexity of living life is reaching unsustainable levels. Our lives are driven by our alarm clocks and our calendars. Life seems to be a never ending stream of tasks, some more pleasant than the others.

Depending on our professions, the cognitive demands of the kind of work we do is staggering, it requires long periods of deep concentration. Done correctly, work is art. But we squander our intelligence and creativity on creating desire, on competing for attention, in more and more addictive ways, and the result is that most people are now putting more attention to merchants of attention than to reality itself.

To be the master of your own attention is the most important of tasks. YouTube algorithms recommend Michael’s Jordan relentless hustle. There is much to learn about this man too, but one must learn where the source of one’s own energy, as Keith made me note. What is the source of your function energy? Meditation and contemplation. It has worked.

But in the liberation of trapped energy in ones own development, there also comes deep pain which must be handled with wisdom, spun into meaning quickly, so that a registration of ones own struggles serve as guides towards a better life. To understand the general pattern of the life one is living, and then come back into it in full.

The easiest and most difficult thing in this world is to remain asleep, easy because it requires ones natural evolution-induced chase of pleasure, and to wake up is to renounce to the chase of pleasure, which in reality is an escape from darkness. Spiritual growth requires one to stop chasing and remain in the darkness, to seek into the closets of one’s own palace, and to find the time and disposition to put things in order.

The soul, which I have come to understand through two chilean geniuses: Jodorowsky and Soublette, is the container of the body and the spirit. The body is a thin line which contains the area of the soul, and in the center a small dot, which is the spirit.

We could adopt an atomic model where the spirit is the nucleus, the electrons are the mind, the electromagnetic field is the body, and the system is the soul. The vast majority of one’s experience is mind, we vibrate in a certain way, our thoughts making quantum leaps from one position to the other. This is how we know we have free will, it cannot be predicted where our next thought will land.

We tend to vibrate in patterns, synesthetic people see auras, a visual representation of the vibration. But a synesthetic sense is not needed, more often than not the vibration is picked up by senses and reflected back to the emitter, and a common vibration is settled upon the people who are conversing.

Another thing Gastón taught me today are that ancient Mesoamerican cultures are more in line with the Tao because all knowledge seems to emanate from the same source, if we look and ancient pottery and hand axes we see it emerge in a globalized way, without communication! The atom that I am in this global consciousness is connected by necessity, I could not be writing this if I were not connected to the world, for I would understand—I would by an animal. We all participate in the process of unfolding of consciousness.

From Mesoamerican culture a terrible loss was experienced: the loss of intuition, and the emergence of reason as the only way of conducting one’s life. Only through the discovery of one’s inner duality—that of intuition and reason—can one advance in the difficult trials.

I notice myself going into branches which I have no interest in pursing, I will simply allow my hands to type.

Sócrates was in pursuit of Truth, Jesus was in pursuit of Truth, was in pursuit of Truth. Mohammed was in pursuit of Truth. Lao Tze was in pursuit of Truth. The Buddha was in pursuit of Truth. Who were the Mesoamerican prophets? But priests were undoubtedly prophet-like, for not only priests but warriors and the general population were sure they would pass into a better life by being sacrificed, and much to the Spaniards surprise, the would allow themselves to be sacrificed willingly.

Was Mesoamerican culture in pursuit of Truth? This was not of their concern yet, the mono-theistic meme was just beginning to manifest itself as it became connected to the godhead of Christianity, and thus Mesoamerican devotion became compatible with Catholicisms Saints and opposing spirit forces. It is most definetely a different way of feeling. One Spanish acquaintance was surprised to find find herself in Mexico and people from work begun talking about “spirit” stories.