It is 5am in the morning and I could barely sleep, and I’m not sure about the reason. I am not stressed, I did not nap yesterday, didn’t drink coffee… and yet as I am writing this I am beginning to feel sleepy. Is this because I do not have enough energy for creation? And writing is creation? To a certain extent, only when I write with a purpose.

When I write like this, pouring out my stream of thought, it is supposed to be effortless. In fact, it is somewhat relaxing to be sleepy and and at the same time to be typing. What should I write about? I know.

Despite my constant complaints about being tired and in a bad mood when I write at the end of the day, this last week has felt incredibly meaningful. The way in which I gauge my wellbeing is by sensing my hope in the future, and I’ve found myself thinking that 2021 will be a breakout year. The “Store of virtue” of the Tao Te Ching resounds in this context:

In caring for others and serving heaven,
There is nothing like using restraint.
Restraint depends on giving up one’s own ideas.
This depends on Virtue gathered in the past.
If there is a good store of Virtue, then nothing is impossible.
If nothing is impossible, then there are no limits.
If a man knows no limits, then he is fit to be a ruler.
The mother principle of ruling holds good for a long time.
This is called having deep roots and a firm foundation,
The Tao of long life and eternal vision.

I truly feel sleepy now. It is time to sleep.