State: unaltered

Yesterday I had thanksgiving dinner with my family.

I dislike myself when I am with my family. I become demanding, judgemental and sarcastic. I notice this while I am with them, and strangely enough I cannot prevent myself from behaving like this, even if I am aware of it.

There were two children at dinner, one was the son of my sister, the other the son of my cousin, and I brought them two gifts, one was a book, the other a pump to inflate balloons. The child that received the book cried and made a big scene, running to the arms of this mother for consolation.

I felt contempt and I thought that the kid needed to toughen up. I could almost feel myself sneering at him. Eventually the crisis resolved and the children were able to play with the new toy, the book forgotten in a corner.

When I came back home I reflected upon the scene, and I understood it was all perfect: the mother must provide unconditional love. If the child seeks consolation, no matter how senseless the tantrum, the mother ought to provide that consolation. My own role in the situation is to provide rejection, because the behavior is socially unacceptable, and in this way the child receives both the consolation from disappointment, and the understanding that crying after receiving a gift is not socially acceptable behavior (I dislike this phrase, but it is what it is).

As Ram Dass said: if you think you are awakened, go have Thanksgiving dinner with your family. Indeed.