In a couple of years you will come back to this. I would like to ask you:

Are you happy?

no, happiness is not part of the deal and it’s still worth it.

is this process ridiculous?

yes, it is ridiculous in a degree where it is correct to be ridiculous at the right amount at the right time. Even being ridiculous is virtue sometimes.

are you glad you did this?

yes, very much, thank you Mark from the past.

have you got your addictions under control? Cause I just popped a pill of viagra and then masturbated, to almost nil effect.

I come back with both good and bad news: the factions are the same (nothing new to deal with) and the war is over. In this truce, I sense the healthy taking over the unhealthy naturally. The struggle was needless, you’ve advanced more in peace than you have in war. Waste no effort setting siege against yourself, you don’t know the threads that pull your addictions unless you stop struggling.

I would also say to you: I know exactly what you mean and you would be very surprised at the development that took place towards matter of self pleasure, one of the most valuable lessons from this period has been how to train the body specifically for self pleasure. Your teeny weenie orgasm you had is self training in the way of release at a very low threshold. I’m glad to report positive self-development in this regard though it’s still pending to be shared with someone.

Have you quit smoking? For it’s barely been four hours without the patch and I’m feeling anxious.

no, but if I consider how much I smoke then to now, I’ve made progress and I’m happy with that. I have no shame in stating that I’m waiting for a partner to do the final push.

With snus available the transition to non-smoking is soft and I extend my smokeless periods more.

Do you still drink like a Cossack on the weekends?

no, but you still drink one or two beers at lunchtime. Relationship with alcohol is a model substance relationship: moderate, right circumstances, etc. I still drink more if I cut weed though.

is David still your only friend?

no, but if you are to have only one friend in the world, you are very lucky it is David.

Do you still find it difficult working?

You wrote it a couple of years later, a days walk can be tiresome but his is understood in the context of the journey. You would be perplexed at your sector and your job satisfaction. I still am myself. It took a very long time to become useful, but I am and now and I see how ai automates me away and I take on more complex things. I plan to continue doing this until it stops being fun.

was all this suffering worth it?

yes, without a question. Or perhaps just one q back to you: was all this suffering necessary?

do you still think you don’t want children?

no, and again you would be very surprised at the evolution that took place here. I think children aspirations are best imagined in the context of a partner, and this can take unconventional forms as was the case with V. You’ve faced your paternity duties, not without some hesitation, and in fact you are still navigating it by proxy.

Do you still live in Mexico City?

No, and you couldn’t have imagined where the winds have deposited you. It’s all been very instructive.

are you successful now?

not according to your current standards, yes in my current value system. You are not taking into account the totality of experience.

what was wrong about this period?

since I see back and see proof of work, nothing. I am reaping benefits.

are you still in good shape?

yes!